


Too Much

by virtuemoirlike (katya_kool)



Series: there are no happy endings 'verse [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 08:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14052906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katya_kool/pseuds/virtuemoirlike
Summary: Somehow they're here, and here is suffering and heartbreak, and it's nothing like what Tessa wanted.





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> I would highly recommend you read the first fic in this series first, but they take place simultaneously so it doesn't really matter. It also works as a stand-alone. Hope you guys like it!

She’s always been naive regarding Scott, and it’s finally catching up to her.

She can manipulate the media, turn things the right way, and is aware of dangerous intentions, but with Scott?

She never stands a chance.

She always thought it was going to work out between them.

How could it not?

When she was growing up, she learned the definition of the word future. It was supposed to mean what would happen the day after today, and all the days after that. It had seemed abstract, and weird, and uncontrollable. But when she really thought about it, it made sense. It meant Scott. Scott was her partner, for today and tomorrow and always (he swore), so he was forever.

That was it.

That was fact.

But now this scares her, because things are supposed to change. You get new haircuts, and outfits, and jobs, and everything else, but her definition of future hasn’t changed. It’s still Scott.

She still has all her romantic comedy dreams, and he still fits into most of them. She doesn’t believe that she’s still trying to fit him into all these boxes, when it clearly doesn’t work. But she does.

Maybe this heartbreak is her own fault.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

She knows that she doesn’t get that anymore, her dreams, what she thought she wanted. She doesn’t get to dress up in the white dress and the pretty, pretty makeup and have sparkling eyes. She doesn’t get to see him walking down the aisle crying, while she’s crying, and everyone else is crying, and it feels like all the water in the ocean.

She doesn’t get to have that.

 _The only thing I get_ she thinks looking at those damn magazine pictures, that she insisted they do _is that. I only get the edited version, where I had to try on eighty different dresses and he only had to do one tux. That the only thing I get._

That’s it.

And then she curses herself (she always curses herself).

_Why did I do this?_

_Why are we here_

_Why?_

It could have been so much easier. Nice and breezy, light and easy.

They could have just been skating partners.

No, they couldn’t have.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

But after everything?

Now?

_Now?_

Now they are in way too deep. There’s a piece of her soul that has been clipped off, ripped away from her, and it’s not simple as I can do this without you.

It’s I can’t _live_ without you.

I can’t _breathe_ without you.

I don’t know how to _exist_ without you.

You are, we are, _one._

But they aren’t.

That realization sends a shock to her system, and her heart is beating too fast for her chest and she is completely overwhelmed.

It feels like hot coals, and dangerous waves wrapping themselves around her ankles.

It tastes like poached eggs and chocolate.

It smells like an absence of cologne and whiskey.

It looks like fake smiles and fake enthusiasm.

It sounds like silence, and songs that she knows too well on repeat.

Moulin Rouge, Carmen, Mahler.

She can’t stop hearing them.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

When they’re on Ellen, he goes to talk, and she doesn’t want to hear it, so she waves him off. She doesn’t want to hear right now because it’s too much.

It’s too _much_.

She says her line in French because she can’t say it in English, that’s too hard to physically say.

He goes silent behind her, she can sense it, and she feels like she messed something up, but she doesn’t know what she messed up.

 _They aren’t dating_ for god’s sake.

They aren’t, they aren’t anything, they’re not _anything_ , but they’re _everything_ and it’s the most painful combination and she wishes that it would just _cease to exist_.

Because right now, it’s continuous pain and strife. There’s no escape.

There’s no path in sight.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

She always likes the part in the marriage vows where they say how they come together and are one soul. It’s beautiful and touching, and that piece never fails to make her tear up. It’s probably because she knows Scott’s her soulmate.

They’ve always been soulmates.

She knows that they are, she always has. _How could she not?_

But they aren’t together.

They’re two halves of a whole and they’re trying to exist separately. They’re trying to stay afloat amidst the storm.

And the reason this _hurts_? The reason she knows this will be her _undoing_?

She doesn’t know how she can find another complement, another match. Someone to fit all her grooves, and smooth her out, and make her complete.

Because there’s only one.

But that doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter at _all_.

They’re still two people. They’re still controlled by wills and even though destiny and fate have all these plans and they just _throw_ them aside.

It’s such a waste, honestly.

_There are no happy endings._

 

She really wishes that they would talk.

That they would just _talk._

But he just gets angry and frustrated and shuts her out and she doesn’t know what to say. She thought the tour was going fine, but now it’s ending and he isn’t right.

She doesn’t know what he wants from her anymore.

And that just _hurts_ because she always knows.

She _always_ knows what he wants, or at least from her.

Ever since they were young, by just a look or a touch she could understand him, and now she can’t.

He’s put up these barriers and she can’t get through.

She really wishes she could.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

She gets to accomplish so much in her life.

She is an inspiration to young girls, she gets to do all these ad campaigns and all these sponsorships though her platform, so what more can she want. She is so _blessed_ , and so l _ucky_ , so it’s fair that she can’t have everything in life.

That would be too much.

After all, she’s still just a girl, a Canadian girl who just wants to be _happy_.

She doesn’t get everything she wants because you never do.

Life would be too easy, too sweet.

She knows that they’ve gone too far to be to be anything simple. If she wanted simple, she should have stopped skating with him.

They should have stopped doing whatever they’re doing, playing their games.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you but not like this but like that._

It’s just too much.

Its altogether too _much_.

 

_There are no happy endings._

 

So, what’s worse? They try, they fail, and they break down amidst _passion_ and _fire_ and _heartbreak_ and _angst_ and _everything_ and _nothing_.

Or, they never get together.

It’s just _hesitance_ and _maybe_ and _if_ and _we could of_. There’s nothing substantive and nothing concrete.

So, so what’s better?

That’s what you have to look at going into it.

Because no matter what, she can’t remember life without him. He’s always going to be a part of her life. He’s always going to be a part of the story of her existence.

He’s going to be the last thing she forgets about while on this earth.

The very last thing.

So, it’s not just a schoolgirl crush, or _an ooh should I go out with him_. It’s a should I _change our lives dramatically_ and _rip apart the very fabric of our existence._

This isn’t a love story.

She isn’t ready to make that choice. Once she goes there, she knows she can never go back.

She isn’t ready. She doesn’t know which one will be worse.

So, she waits.

 

_There are no happy endings._

**Author's Note:**

> I know some people wanted a happy ending with Tessa's POV, but that didn't seem possible/realistic. They need to come to terms with themselves before they try to work things out. I don't know if I will continue this, it depends on what people want. Comments and kudos appreciated, xx.  
> Also, come check me out on twitter (virtuemoirlike)!


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